The Book of Sparrow
by J.L. Dexter
Summary: Ever wonder what the pirate's life aboard the Pearl is like? A simple tale where Jack looks for a treasure map, Gibbs sings a song, Anamaria wears a dress and the crew annoys their captain. Can a day in the life of these pirates get any more interesting?
1. Of Sissy's and Wenches

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Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plots. I don't own the ship(s) just the breezes that move 'em. I hereby state that I am just borrowing such said objects until I feel at such time that I should return them. -_-;;

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The Book of Sparrow

Act One- _Of Sissy's and Wenches _

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The _Black Pearl _cut across the mirrored waters of the Caribbean, the small waves created by the vessel lapping against the hull. The sails danced in the wind as they glided forth, the large pirate ship bound for where ever the breeze took her.

It was a life on the ocean, the _Black Pearl._ Her walls represented sanctuary; her decks stability; her sails freedom. It was what everyone wanted. What everyone dreamed of- wished of, thought of. And it was all that some people needed. The fresh air, the sea spray and smell of the salt water; the caressing wind in your hair, or the treasure or even… _a gull pooping on your face!_

Jack cursed loudly as a glob of bird poop landed on his sun kissed face, his sleeved arm reaching to wipe it away. He could do with the caressing wind, the cool air, the sea spray, the mist or treasure. Heck, even seasickness! But the bird poop was where he drew the line. 

Chorused laughter rang in his ears as he spun around sharply, glowering at his crew that dared to laugh. The whole crew snapped to attention and quieted down, all save for one person….

Anamaria laughed so hard it felt as if her sides would burst open! Surely it was a crime for one to laugh so jovially as she- but with an opportune moment such as this, how could she not? She was still laughing even when the rest of the crew stopped.

__

Men! She thought, _Cowards the lot o' them. Look at them, standing there like statues, too scared that big bad Jack, Captain of a Thousand Laughs is going to hurt them. Sissy's! _

Superstition had it that a woman onboard a ship brought bad luck. Gibbs made sure to take his sweet time in spelling this out to the captain every chance he got and each time Jack batted him away.

Ana knew Jack was not so crazy as to make her leave the crew; she was the soul of his ship and he needed her. Or maybe it was just because he was scared of her. _Some Captain, _she pondered sourly. 

And he owed her, big time. He stole her boat to which he sank to the bottom of the sea, the false promise of buying her a new one sparing him some time. Or so he thought. Ana was just waiting for the opportune moment.

Mutiny? No, Ana may be a pirate, but to mutiny was beyond ethic, even for her. He put her through so much hell, just to get a rise out of her and he usually succeeded; at least until she dealt him a good one that kept his ears ringing for several days. She saved his skin once, she'd do it again- mutinying was just not a part of the plan.

So she stayed and she waited, waited for the right moment to spring her trap in catching Jack and twisting his arm just enough to get satisfying results. And from the looks of it, she would not have to wait much longer.

The crew; another story entirely. Afraid of her, the lot of them were! They whispered and snickered behind her back when they thought she wasn't looking, but she knew. They called her wench, wretch, and on occasion the term virago was used. She heard the rumors and the lies- she just smiled. So long as they didn't try to challenge her, she'd be ok; she'd win the fight. Captain Jack Sparrow was on the verge of being broken and Anamaria was just the one to do it.

She might be just a wench, or a hellcat or even viraginous, but Ana was in control and no one dared to cross her. And if she chose to laugh, then so be it- she was going to and not anything anyone said or did was going to stop her. Oh no…

She leaned against the helm for support as she chuckled, the tears coming to her eyes. Her sides hurt and her lungs tightened; it was just too much for a woman to take. 

The feeling of another presence accompanied by the heavy falls of booted feet caused her to stand up straight, her face snapping to attention as she wiped the tears caused by her laughing from her eyes. She tried so hard to stare at the man before her with alertness and respect, at least all the respect this one person deserved. Mustering a neutral face she greeted, "Captain."

Jack Sparrow, Captain and Infatuated Airhead of the _Black Pearl _stood staunch, his deep brown eyes (with the hint of a slimy white coloring matted in his eyebrow and lashes) stared at her, the smooth wood of the helm separating the two.

"You laughin' at me?"

Ana smirked as she cocked her head to one side, a hand upon her hip. "Does it look like I am laughing at you, Sparrow?" she asked, an angry streak upon her face as she challenged him.

Raising a hand to defend himself, he paused, his finger in mid-air as he responded, "I'm terribly sorry. I must have mistaken the sound of the waves for your laughing," he stammered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my cabin cry- uh, I mean, resting, if anyone needs me."

With that, the mortified and putrid smelling captain, turned on his heel, his head held high as he vanished from sight, the heavy oak doors of his cabin hiding him from the laughing crew.

---

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A/N: Ok, just a quick note saying that this THIS! Entire story-arc will not be one big story. Nope, every chapter posted from here on out, is solely a one shot that stands on its own. Each one shot makes up a collection of short tales that are thereby dated, stamped and stapled into '_The Book of Sparrow._'

Also now hinting- If anyone has a certain request pertaining to a story they'd like to see in action, drop me a note in either email or review and I'll see what I can do about putting your ideas into the book. 

-J


	2. Rum Drinker

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Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plots. I don't own the ship(s) just the breezes that move 'em. I hereby state that I am just borrowing such said objects until I feel at such time that I should return them. -_-;;

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The Book of Sparrow

Act Two- _Rum Drinker _

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Jack sighed as he leaned against the helm, his callused hands skillfully guiding the ship. Barbossa had been disposed of and the _Black Pearl _was once again under the command of Captain Jack Sparrow and things were relatively quiet- or at least he thought.

From his spot he could hear the high pitched squabbling of his quartermaster and another _sailor. _He turned his gaze to where the commotion was and rolled his eyes. Gibbs and Cotton's parrot were once again going at it- something which had became a daily occurrence. He strained to hear what the argument was about today and sighed to realize it was about the same thing it was yesterday!

Cotton's parrot was loudly accusing Gibbs of drinking the last bottle of the crew's rum and Gibb's, the daft fool, was arguing back, protesting he hadn't drank it despite the fact that everyone knew he had. 

"Drank all the rum," the parrot was screeching.

Gibbs shook a fist at him, "Ye mangy bird, go bother sum'one else!"

"Fatso drank all the rum," the bird mocked and Jack had to fight to keep his laughter in.

The quartermaster scowled at the statement as he muttered, "Blasted bird."

"Drank all the rum."

Gibbs frowned. "Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not," Gibbs retorted.

"Did!"

Gibbs growled as he pointed his sword at the bird hovering above his head, "Not"

"Did."

"Come down 'ere an' say thet t' me face, ye blasted mangy sea cur," the quartermaster challenged. "I oughta take ye and chop ye up into lil' bloody parrot treats and then feed ye t' them shar-"

"GIBBS!"

Gibbs dropped his sword and spun around to see Jack frowning at him. "Stop antagonizing Cotton's parrot," Jack ordered. "It's bloody annoying and getting on me nerves."

"Sorry sir, but-"

Jack quirked an eyebrow as he cut him off, "But nothing Mr. Gibbs. He's a bloody bird for crying out loud! Ignore it!"

Gibbs nodded uncertainly before mumbling, "Aye captain" as he scurried below deck, the parrot quickly following.

---

"Anamaria!" 

Jack bellowed her name for the hundredth time that day, a smile coming to his lips. He enjoyed getting her good and mad, even if they did share the same bed. He'd piss her off enough to warrant a slap, or the cold shoulder but usually by the time he crawled into bed, she had forgotten his crimes and actually allowed him to sleep in his own cabin.

And for the sake of that tradition, Jack was constantly nagging her out of the goodness of his heart. 

He had already put her in charge of several tasks, one being to rearrange the cargo hold which he had her do every week, simply because she absolutely hated doing it! Now as he stood sailing his ship, humming to himself, the thought of having a bottle of rum to drink struck him. He couldn't very well leave the helm of his ship with no one guiding it, and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask any of his crew to watch it for him. He was the captain for goodness sakes! 

So he'd have Anamaria fetch the rum for him! It was perfect- a bloody brilliant plan- pure genius, at least until he finally got her attention.

The dark skinned woman appeared from behind a couple of crates, a rope in her hands. She had been securing the rigging like Jack had moments ago told her to do, after she was done bringing the extra crates topside to be scuttled and thrown over and before she was to rearrange the cargo hold, which need she mention, had done just last week! 

"What the hell do you want now?" She asked irritably. She took note of the grin that twisted his lips upwards and she pointed at him menacingly. "If you dare ask me to fetch you another bottle of rum, I swear by all that is holy Jack Sparrow that I'll throw your lazy, no good for nothing ass overboard myself!"

Jack's grin suddenly faded as he sputtered, "B-but love! I can't just bloody up and leave me _Pearl _with no one to guide her!"

Ana shrugged and turned back to tying the rigging, "Well then I guess you best sober up real quick like, 'cause I ain't doing it."

The pirate captain frowned deeply as he leaned against the helm some more, _Bloody woman!_

---

He took a long swig of the rum and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Sighing contently, he used the helm for support, a smile on his face. Yes, life was good for Jack Sparrow; he had his _Pearl, _his rum and amazingly, all his teeth still intact, if you didn't already count the gold capped ones. 

It had taken some persistence on his part, but he finally got his rum. He had learned some time ago that if he kept pestering Ana, she'd eventually do whatever it was he asked just to get him to shut-up. He rubbed his cheek where a dull throb now remained as he thought, _Even if the slap I usually get is not a part of the deal!_

From behind him, Gibbs stood close by, Cotton's parrot perched on his shoulder as the quartermaster rambled on about how it was best they stop somewhere soon to restock the holds and the pirate captain just waved him off. 

"But captain, we really should stop for supplies," Gibbs protested.

Jack looked at him cross-eyed, "My good man, or men," he added, pointing at them for emphasis, "As long as I have me rum, we needn't be stopping for anything!"

"Fatso drank all the ru-"

Gibbs poked the bird, "Shut yur trap."

Jack stared at them, "Don't start that again."

"Sorry sir, it's jus-"

"Fatso drank al-"

"I said shut it, bird!" Gibbs growled as he went to poke him again but suddenly stopped as the parrot pecked him. "Why ye mangy feathered fiend!" Gibbs gawked as he poked the bird again only to have the bird peck him in return.

Jack watched the exchange of poking and pecking until he began to feel dizzy. "That's enough, from the both of you!" he wagged a finger at the quartermaster, "Gibbs stop poking the bird," he then turned to the parrot and said, "and you stop bloody pecking him!"

Gibbs faltered, "But Cap'n! He started it!"

The pirate captain cringed; how many times had he heard that one! "I don't care who bloody started it, I'm going to finish it if you two don't stop!"

The old sailor grumbled something before stalking off the deck leaving Jack alone. The pirate captain began to hum to himself now that he had some peace and quiet, his head bobbing with the tune. He brought the rum bottle to his lips only to find it empty and he tossed it over board. _Guess I'll have to get me another one- now where's Anamaria?_

---

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A/N: Ok, this one is not as funny, but still humorous in it's own way. I was going to add another part here, but I figured it was nice to end it on a good note. I'm still open for suggestions, I've only gotten one! But oh well, guess one's better than none.


	3. Politically Correct

Disclaimer: I do NOT own these characters nor do I wish too- there's too much work involved in that. So I guess you'll just have to go bug someone else. Also, the reference of San Pomme de Terre belongs to the creators of the movie Captain Ron. N'joy!

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Politically Correct - A Vignette by J.L. Dexter

Anamaria wrinkled her nose in irritation, her weathered hand waving in front of her face as something tickled her cheek. Grumbling she turned over, her outstretched arm striking nearby flesh.

"Ouch!"

Ana sat up, an annoyed look crossing her features as she narrowed her eyes at her captain; Jack sat rubbing his tender nose from the female pirate's fist, a dirty feather clutched tightly in his grasp.

"What are ye doin'?" Ana demanded, a slim finger gesturing the feather. "I'm tryin' to sleep here, Sparrow."

Jack made a face, "That's _Captain _Sparrow to you, love," he corrected. "And 'sides, I want to show ye somethin'. So get up."

Ana rolled her eyes as she pulled the threadbare blanket over her head, "Well I want to sleep; go wake someone else up."

The pirate captain pulled the blanket from Ana's head. "Ok, if ye don't want to see it, but you'll be the one explainin' to Gibbs how come I had to dump a bucket of water on him."

"Alright, alright," Ana muttered sliding from the bed. "I'll play along with your stupid game."

Jack grinned at her, "Great! Come, we haven't got all day!" He sauntered from the room with Ana at his heels, his unsteady steps leading them to his cabin. He crossed the small room to his desk and opened a drawer; withdrawing an old piece of parchment, he thrust it in Ana's face proudly.

Ana crinkled her nose at the musty smelling object as she pushed it away from her. "So it's a piece of parchment, what's so special about that?"

The pirate captain frowned as he moved beside her, the parchment held at arm's length so he could study it. "It's not just any ordinary piece of parchment, love," he informed her. "It's a treasure map!"

Ana snatched the paper from him and scrutinized it idly before Jack took it back. "So where's the treasure at?" she asked impatiently, a foot lightly tapping the wooden floor.

"San Pomme de Terre," Jack answered matter-of-factly. "Doesn't it sound romantic?"

The female pirate quirked an eyebrow as she rolled the name across her tongue. "That means potato," she explained nonchalantly.

Jack's smile faded at her words, his world of happiness crashing at his feet. Straightening himself out, he tucked the map into his coat-pocket as he replied, "No, it doesn't."

"Yes it does, Jack-" Ana insisted, her hands planted firmly on her hips. "It means St. Potato."

A crease lined Jack's brow as he glared at her before turning on his heel, "Well, whatever," he stated as he waltzed out of his cabin.

Ana rolled her eyes as she followed him. _And there he goes- it's going to be a long day._

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Author's Corner: Yes, short, but sweet, ne? Like I said, it's short, but simple; two things that go together better than bread and butter.

-J


	4. Jack's Trouble Is Double Trouble

Picture it... Tortuga, 1709....

Anamaria absently strolled down the lane, her dark eyes quickly taking in all the tables as she passed by. Several merchants called to her, one of their wares in their hands for display. Ana shook her head at them all and continued on her way, a scowl on her face. A table in particular caught her attention and she veered slightly off the path toward it- much to the dismay of the other merchants.

Her hand cautiously hovered over a piece of silk; the green material shimmered in the sun, and Ana slowly picked it up. Quirking an eyebrow she quickly put it down as she spotted the price tag- _there's no way in Hades I'm going to pay that much for that little scrap of silk._

Waving him off, Ana rolled her eyes and continued on her way when her name was called.

"Ana! Look it- a rabbit."

Ana pivoted on her heel to see Jack, a bottle of rum in one hand and a finger of the other pointing to a cage half hidden behind the table.

"Wonder why it's locked up in there," Jack prattled, a finger waging at the creature.

After a long drawn out story from the merchant about the rabbit,- whose name the pirates discovered was Trouble, because that's what he was- Ana rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Jack just in time to see him stick his finger inside the cage and poke the animal.

---

"Well Jack," Ana stated as she strolled down the path with Jack close behind her; he was cradling one hand, the rabbit's teeth marks engraved in his skin. "Tis another fine mess you've gotten yourself into."

Jack grumbled in response causing Ana to smile as she asked, "And what have you learned from this?"

The pirate captain narrowed his eyes. "Never trouble Trouble till Trouble troubles you."

---

**Author's Note: **Ok, so I lied. I said that this was going to be individual stories (like several one-shots) however, the more I write of these little drabble/vignette thingies, the more I see that everything fits together perfectly; right up to the point where I want to converge them, so I'm gonna. Go me! Whoohoo. Not really- but either way, it's short, simple and funny. Enjoy.

-J


	5. A Colorful Pirate

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters, just the plots. I don't own the ship(s) just the breezes that move 'em. I hereby state that I am just borrowing such said objects until I feel at such time that I should return them. --;;

**The Book of Sparrow  
**

_Act Five- A Colorful Pirate  
_

From his spot at the railing, the smallest crew member under Jack's toutelage watched with gleaming eyes as the other pirates ran around the deck preparing the ship to set sail. He tapped his foot against the wood absently as he cocked his head, the pirate captain himself coming into view.

Jack Sparrow wasn't known to be the most honorable person or even the most sober among the gossip that floated through each port, but he was known as being a fair and somewhat compassionate man despite his _métier_ in life. He may have believed in rum being the _medicinal cure _for all man's ailments, but he also was a firm believer in chances; to give even the most handicapped of men- Cotton- a rock solid job aboard his ship spoke volumes of the illustrious pirate captain. And it was here he found that he belonged.

True, his only job may be to just stand there and translate everything to the crew, but it was one job in which he suceeded in above all others. He was an important asset to the crew- a friend, a fellow mate and a messenger. And he loved every minute of it.

Perhaps it was the feeling of freedom aboard the _Black Pearl _or obligation or even old Cotton's friendship that kept him around- of the reasons, he was unsure- what did he know?

Afterall, he was just a parrot.

**Author's Corner**: Yes, short, but sweet, ne? Like I said, it's short, but simple; two things that go together better than bread and butter.

-J


	6. To Lie or Not to Lie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own. I don't make any money on this. I didn't waste any money on this- just time. Idea and plot mine, characters not. Get it? Got it? Good!

**Act Si****x- **_To Lie Or Not To Lie__A Pirate's Way_

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"Don't touch that!" 

Anamaria turned around just in time to see Jack nose dive through the door, his nimble fingers plucking the parchment from her hands. She took a step back, a glare replacing the surprise on her face as she stood there, her eyes watching her captain.

"This," Jack stated matter-of-factly as he pointed to the paper, "is very important and is not to be touched."

"It's just paper!" Ana exclaimed, her anger rising. "Try to do something nice and instead, I get my head chewed off," she huffed as she dropped into a nearby chair, her narrowed eyes never leaving Jack's face.

The pirate captain frowned as he gestured to the paper in his hand, "You don't understand, Ana. It's not just a slip of paper," he continued, a slightly offset and dreamy smile turning his lips up. "It's me ma- I mean, my um, invitation to Will and Elizabeth's wedding... next month. And if ye haven't noticed, I happen to be very attached to it."

"You're lying," Ana added calmly, her almost soft tone betraying the expression on her face. "Their wedding was last year, Jack!"

Jack waved his arms in the air, "Did I say wedding? I meant their uh, anniversary."

Anamaria shuddered with anger as she shot to her feet, her finger mere inches from his face as she struggled with herself; an internal conflict waged across her features- the frustration that her voice wouldn't cooperate with her against the sheer anger that was steadily rising. Finally giving up, she breathed a sigh of irritation before turning on her heel, muttering.

"You're up to something, Sparrow," she grumbled as she threw open the cabin door, her boots clicking against the wooden floor. "And I don't much like it."

Jack followed her, the paper clutched protectively to his chest. He cocked his head at her statement and asked, "And what makes ye say that?"

Ana stopped at the railing overlooking the fore-deck and turned back to face him, a slender finger motioning to her right as she stared at her captain plainly as if he were either for once, clueless or just stupid; to which she didn't know the answer to.

The pirate captain took a small step to his left and peered over her shoulder to see the many faces of his crew staring back at him, their expressions the one of a pirate waiting to pounce on a bottle of rum. He drew in a breath before gazing back at his first mate. His first instinct was to lie, but the last time he'd done that, he found out very quickly that lying to an already irate Anamaria was not a smart move; not physically or mentally any way.

He laughed nervously as he watched her, her balled up fist beginning to twitch as he backed up hoping to find sanctuary in his cabin. He stumbled once and when he found that his attempt to escape wasn't going to happen anytime soon, he did the next best thing he could think of.

"Parley?"

**A/N: **Again, I know, another short chapter. But what can I say...? I think small. Lol.

-J


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